MaXIMIze - Choices and Letting Go

This month's theme was supposed to be finances, however, circumstances led otherwise.

Yesterday, as I was gearing up to work on course work for online classes I'm working to get up and running, I wrote this piece instead of focusing on the course work. The issue that brought this forth is still chewing at me this morning, so I figured I'd post this piece instead of trying to focus on finances.

Judgement and Defensiveness

As I was preparing to work on course work for a class I want to teach, I was angered by someone else's judgement of my choices. I felt the negative emotion surge through my body, raising my blood pressure, making my muscles shake with unreleased tension.

I wondered at my visceral response as I was mentally lashing out in defense of my choices. I realized I do not need to defend my choices to anyone else. I cannot force someone else to accept my choices let alone understand why I do the things I do.

Others will judge no matter what. However, their judgement does not matter in the long run. It truly doesn't. What matters is your judgement of yourself, and whether that judgement is a reaction to the voices of others or a response to that small still voice that comes from your inner Self.

Once we learn to truly listen to and learn from the Self within us, we can move from reacting to responding, from judgement to love, from defensiveness to giving, from lack to abundance.

How to learn this is the question.

Focus is the answer. Determining the focus of our reaction or response will help us discover the root of it.

If we can determine what we are focusing on with our reaction or response, we can figure out why we are reacting or responding the way we are.

In my case, the choice was about an adult child and his current domestic situation. I choose not to become embroiled in the drama that is in his life right now.

Others do not accept or understand my choice, and therefore judge me harshly for it.

Does that judgement hurt? Yes, it does.

Is it going to make me change my choice? No, it will not.

Did I learn why I was reacting so strongly to the judgement of another? Yes, I did.

I raised my children with the idea that family comes first, and one of my children feels my choice in respect to his brother's current domestic situation goes against that idea.

My choice of non-involvement, however, is based in the belief that adult children have to deal with their domestic issues on their own. To the best of my ability, I've given my children the tools to deal with life. Like a horse chooses whether or not to drink the water he is led to, my children have to choose to take on the responsibility for their choices in life and work to make better choices for themselves and their children.

And so the anger and defensiveness at the judgement of another of the choices I made in this situation ebbs away as the root of my reaction to his judgement is brought into the light of day.

Was the process easy? No, it was not.

Am I in a better place for going through it? Yes, I am.

I hope that sharing this experience with you helps you work though your reactions and responses to the actions and judgements of others.

Until next time, Namaste!
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Questions? Comments? Feel free to share on this post, or email me at the address below.
Beth Henderson, MaXIMIzer
maximize.beth@gmail.com

MaXIMIze - Bringing in the Harvest - Letting Go of Ghosts and Goblins

In order to move forward, we need to let go of the past - the ghosts in our lives. We may also need to let go of goblins - those things in our present that are inhibiting our ability to move forward. Goblins can be beliefs, habits, personal prose, and even people in our lives who are holding us back from living our best lives now.

This gets back to earlier posts on identifying roadblocks, assessing them, and working through them.

Cutting ties to these ghosts and goblins will help us with the seasonal cleaning we all need to do from time to time in order to recalibrate and get back into balance in all areas of our lives.

Fall is a great time for reflecting on this year's harvest, sweeping away the ghosts of the past, dealing with the goblins of the present, and planning for next year's harvest before we get wrapped up in the upcoming holiday season of thanksgiving and celebration.

So, shine your light to dispel the ghosts of the past and ward off the goblins of the present as you plan for the harvest of the future - the harvest of Living Your Best Life Now.

Next week starts a new month - one in which we enter the season of gratitude - and that will be our theme for the month. Some of the items we'll be discussing in future posts include Preparing for the Holidays, Share Thy Bounty, and Making a Board of Thanksgiving.

As always, if there is a specific topic you would like to see addressed in this blog that fits the theme of Living Your Best Life Now, please let me know.

Until next time, Namaste!

MaXIMIze - Relationships - Letting Go

You must let go of what no longer serves in order to grow.

Relationships are perhaps the hardest things next to habits to let go of, particularly family relationships.

There are all kinds of relationships that can get to a point of no longer serving, and, in fact, can drag you down instead of lifting you up. Business partnerships, romantic partnerships, friendships, and family ties.

In order to truly let go of a relationship of any kind, you must discover what led you to that relationship in the first place, what has changed within you over the course of that relationship, and why that relationship no longer serves you living your best life now.

I think the hardest relationships to do this type of deep introspection with are lifelong friends and family - if it is a parent-child or sibling relationship and you are the child or sibling, you did not choose the relationship. The loyalty engendered by and/or expected from family is very hard to walk away from, though.

The same could be said of lifelong friends - ones you've known since crib, cradle, playpen, daycare or elementary school days.

Both family and lifelong friends tie you to your past, to what made you what you are today. Sometimes, though, you must cut the ties with your past in order to cut the ties with the destructive habits and patterns that drag you down instead of lifting you up to live your best life now.

Letting go of these relationships does not mean you do not care about these people in your life. It simply means you are practicing extreme self-care.

Perhaps the relationship will heal and continue forward. Perhaps not. That is a choice you make and those are boundaries you set.

So, the challenge this week is to examine your relationships and determine which ones are lifting you up to living your best life now and which ones either need to change to be let go.

Next week we will discuss dealing with guilt.

Until then, Namaste!