This month's theme was supposed to be finances, however, circumstances led otherwise.
Yesterday, as I was gearing up to work on course work for online classes I'm working to get up and running, I wrote this piece instead of focusing on the course work. The issue that brought this forth is still chewing at me this morning, so I figured I'd post this piece instead of trying to focus on finances.
Judgement and Defensiveness
As I was preparing to work on course work for a class I want to teach, I was angered by someone else's judgement of my choices. I felt the negative emotion surge through my body, raising my blood pressure, making my muscles shake with unreleased tension.
I wondered at my visceral response as I was mentally lashing out in defense of my choices. I realized I do not need to defend my choices to anyone else. I cannot force someone else to accept my choices let alone understand why I do the things I do.
Others will judge no matter what. However, their judgement does not matter in the long run. It truly doesn't. What matters is your judgement of yourself, and whether that judgement is a reaction to the voices of others or a response to that small still voice that comes from your inner Self.
Once we learn to truly listen to and learn from the Self within us, we can move from reacting to responding, from judgement to love, from defensiveness to giving, from lack to abundance.
How to learn this is the question.
Focus is the answer. Determining the focus of our reaction or response will help us discover the root of it.
If we can determine what we are focusing on with our reaction or response, we can figure out why we are reacting or responding the way we are.
In my case, the choice was about an adult child and his current domestic situation. I choose not to become embroiled in the drama that is in his life right now.
Others do not accept or understand my choice, and therefore judge me harshly for it.
Does that judgement hurt? Yes, it does.
Is it going to make me change my choice? No, it will not.
Did I learn why I was reacting so strongly to the judgement of another? Yes, I did.
I raised my children with the idea that family comes first, and one of my children feels my choice in respect to his brother's current domestic situation goes against that idea.
My choice of non-involvement, however, is based in the belief that adult children have to deal with their domestic issues on their own. To the best of my ability, I've given my children the tools to deal with life. Like a horse chooses whether or not to drink the water he is led to, my children have to choose to take on the responsibility for their choices in life and work to make better choices for themselves and their children.
And so the anger and defensiveness at the judgement of another of the choices I made in this situation ebbs away as the root of my reaction to his judgement is brought into the light of day.
Was the process easy? No, it was not.
Am I in a better place for going through it? Yes, I am.
I hope that sharing this experience with you helps you work though your reactions and responses to the actions and judgements of others.
Until next time, Namaste!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Questions? Comments? Feel free to share on this post, or email me at the address below.
Beth Henderson, MaXIMIzer
maximize.beth@gmail.com
Showing posts with label choice. Show all posts
Showing posts with label choice. Show all posts
Sunday, April 10, 2016
Sunday, November 8, 2015
MaxIMIze - Being Thankful
As I sit at my home desk looking out over a damp street, thankful for the rain that dampness means, I wonder how many people are complaining about the rain instead of being thankful for it.
How many of us complain about things that change our plans, our world, our lives, instead of finding the good in these things - hard as that can be sometimes - and approaching them from a place of gratitude instead of impatience or anger?
Yes, there are things that truly suck - loss of a loved one or dealing with a potentially deadly disease for example. Many of us, however, complain about things that, in the long run, really don't matter. Yes, I know it is annoying, even maddening right now, whatever it is in your life. But - will it matter five years, one year, six months, a week from now? Will it matter tomorrow even, or a few hours from now? I mean really truly matter in the grand scheme of things?
The next question I have is: what energy is your reaction to this thing putting out in the world? Will the energy generated by your reaction help you or hurt you in the long run?
The last question I have is: why are you reacting negatively to this thing, whatever it is? What fears is it stirring up in you that you need to face and overcome? Is it reminding you of an incident in the past that turned out badly?
Then we flip this all on its head and change the focus to what can you find to be thankful about in this situation? What good can come from it, even if the worst of the worst happens?
Find the kernel of good and focus on it, and watch your attitude go from complaining to proclaiming, or at least accepting and moving through to the other side.
If you need an example of this, look at what former U.S. President Jimmy Carter is going through in his life right now and how he is handling his situation.
Next week, we'll discuss Sharing Thy Bounty - until then, Namaste!
How many of us complain about things that change our plans, our world, our lives, instead of finding the good in these things - hard as that can be sometimes - and approaching them from a place of gratitude instead of impatience or anger?
Yes, there are things that truly suck - loss of a loved one or dealing with a potentially deadly disease for example. Many of us, however, complain about things that, in the long run, really don't matter. Yes, I know it is annoying, even maddening right now, whatever it is in your life. But - will it matter five years, one year, six months, a week from now? Will it matter tomorrow even, or a few hours from now? I mean really truly matter in the grand scheme of things?
The next question I have is: what energy is your reaction to this thing putting out in the world? Will the energy generated by your reaction help you or hurt you in the long run?
The last question I have is: why are you reacting negatively to this thing, whatever it is? What fears is it stirring up in you that you need to face and overcome? Is it reminding you of an incident in the past that turned out badly?
Then we flip this all on its head and change the focus to what can you find to be thankful about in this situation? What good can come from it, even if the worst of the worst happens?
Find the kernel of good and focus on it, and watch your attitude go from complaining to proclaiming, or at least accepting and moving through to the other side.
If you need an example of this, look at what former U.S. President Jimmy Carter is going through in his life right now and how he is handling his situation.
Next week, we'll discuss Sharing Thy Bounty - until then, Namaste!
Sunday, August 24, 2014
MaXIMIze - Relationships - Letting Go
You must let go of what no longer serves in order to grow.
Relationships are perhaps the hardest things next to habits to let go of, particularly family relationships.
There are all kinds of relationships that can get to a point of no longer serving, and, in fact, can drag you down instead of lifting you up. Business partnerships, romantic partnerships, friendships, and family ties.
In order to truly let go of a relationship of any kind, you must discover what led you to that relationship in the first place, what has changed within you over the course of that relationship, and why that relationship no longer serves you living your best life now.
I think the hardest relationships to do this type of deep introspection with are lifelong friends and family - if it is a parent-child or sibling relationship and you are the child or sibling, you did not choose the relationship. The loyalty engendered by and/or expected from family is very hard to walk away from, though.
The same could be said of lifelong friends - ones you've known since crib, cradle, playpen, daycare or elementary school days.
Both family and lifelong friends tie you to your past, to what made you what you are today. Sometimes, though, you must cut the ties with your past in order to cut the ties with the destructive habits and patterns that drag you down instead of lifting you up to live your best life now.
Letting go of these relationships does not mean you do not care about these people in your life. It simply means you are practicing extreme self-care.
Perhaps the relationship will heal and continue forward. Perhaps not. That is a choice you make and those are boundaries you set.
So, the challenge this week is to examine your relationships and determine which ones are lifting you up to living your best life now and which ones either need to change to be let go.
Next week we will discuss dealing with guilt.
Until then, Namaste!
Relationships are perhaps the hardest things next to habits to let go of, particularly family relationships.
There are all kinds of relationships that can get to a point of no longer serving, and, in fact, can drag you down instead of lifting you up. Business partnerships, romantic partnerships, friendships, and family ties.
In order to truly let go of a relationship of any kind, you must discover what led you to that relationship in the first place, what has changed within you over the course of that relationship, and why that relationship no longer serves you living your best life now.
I think the hardest relationships to do this type of deep introspection with are lifelong friends and family - if it is a parent-child or sibling relationship and you are the child or sibling, you did not choose the relationship. The loyalty engendered by and/or expected from family is very hard to walk away from, though.
The same could be said of lifelong friends - ones you've known since crib, cradle, playpen, daycare or elementary school days.
Both family and lifelong friends tie you to your past, to what made you what you are today. Sometimes, though, you must cut the ties with your past in order to cut the ties with the destructive habits and patterns that drag you down instead of lifting you up to live your best life now.
Letting go of these relationships does not mean you do not care about these people in your life. It simply means you are practicing extreme self-care.
Perhaps the relationship will heal and continue forward. Perhaps not. That is a choice you make and those are boundaries you set.
So, the challenge this week is to examine your relationships and determine which ones are lifting you up to living your best life now and which ones either need to change to be let go.
Next week we will discuss dealing with guilt.
Until then, Namaste!
Sunday, July 6, 2014
MaXIMIze - Career - J.O.B. or W.O.R.K.?
Are you just marking time and collecting a paycheck or are you in a place where you enjoy what you do and you have room to grow?
Is this just a J.O.B - just obeying the boss - or is this W.O.R.K. - a willing opportunity for respect and kindness?
Now, you may be working yourself through college or need a job to put food on the table, however that doesn't mean it has to be a J.O.B. Even the most temporary employment can be W.O.R.K. - it all depends on what you are willing to give and able to receive.
I know a lot of people complain about their jobs, saying they are "oppressed by the Man" and such. My answer back to them is what are you doing to make it better? What are you doing to make a difference? And, if it is truly as bad as all that, find another job that fulfills you and sustains you.
The catch is this - in order to have something outward that fulfills and sustains, you need to be inwardly fulfilled and sustained. Everything comes from the inside out. If you are not content within yourself, nothing outside can fulfill or sustain you.
So, what lens are you looking at your employment through - is it just a J.O.B. or is it truly W.O.R.K.?
The choice, as always, is yours.
Next week we will discuss Follow Your Passion, Find Your Bliss.
Until then, Namaste!
Is this just a J.O.B - just obeying the boss - or is this W.O.R.K. - a willing opportunity for respect and kindness?
Now, you may be working yourself through college or need a job to put food on the table, however that doesn't mean it has to be a J.O.B. Even the most temporary employment can be W.O.R.K. - it all depends on what you are willing to give and able to receive.
I know a lot of people complain about their jobs, saying they are "oppressed by the Man" and such. My answer back to them is what are you doing to make it better? What are you doing to make a difference? And, if it is truly as bad as all that, find another job that fulfills you and sustains you.
The catch is this - in order to have something outward that fulfills and sustains, you need to be inwardly fulfilled and sustained. Everything comes from the inside out. If you are not content within yourself, nothing outside can fulfill or sustain you.
So, what lens are you looking at your employment through - is it just a J.O.B. or is it truly W.O.R.K.?
The choice, as always, is yours.
Next week we will discuss Follow Your Passion, Find Your Bliss.
Until then, Namaste!
Sunday, May 11, 2014
MaXIMIze - Lifestyle Change versus D-I-E-T
Yes, diet is a four-letter word - we tend to view dieting as a temporary state, akin to taking antibiotics for an infection, and frankly that is why the dieting mindset does not work for the long haul. And believe me, life is a long haul!
If we look at the changes in our eating and drinking habits that would be beneficial to our overall physical health as true lifestyle changes or even a bettering of ourselves - such as we do when pursuing higher education of any type - those changes are more likely to stick and become the good habits that replace the bad habits in the long-term. And the long-term is what we are shooting for here, not the short-term quick fix. Our bodies are going to last us 70-90 years or more, so we owe it to ourselves to take the best care of them that we can. And - as long as we draw breath, it is never too late to make these changes and live a better life.
Just like what we choose to read, listen to, or watch can elevate us or drag us down, so too can our eating and drinking habits.
Here are some rules of thumb I've learned over the years:
The more colorful the fruits and vegetables are, the better they are for you.
Darker lettuce is better for you than lighter lettuce (romaine versus iceberg for example).
Fresh and in season is better than canned or frozen.
Natural is better than processed or artificial (cane or beet sugar is better than high fructose corn syrup or artificial sweeteners)
If you eat meat, a serving is about the size of the palm of your hand.
Home-made or home cooked is better than store-bought or processed.
The gist here is as close to natural as possible and portion control. Both help reduce the toxins we ingest. Also, drinking plenty of water over the course of the day helps the body flush out toxins and keep our digestive tract, well, on track.
Eating right doesn't mean giving up on sweets or treats either - again, as close to natural as possible and portion control.
One of the things I've done in the last year to help ensure I eat healthier is to subscribe to a service called Farm Fresh to You. They deliver in-season fruits and vegetables and organic eggs to my doorstep every other week. They do have weekly service as well, and you can tailor the list of items so you don't get food you know you won't eat. And, they provide recipes for what they deliver in the box, so you're not left wondering what to do with, say, bok choy, when you get it.
I also visit the farmer's market a few blocks down from my day job when it is in sessions (Wednesdays from May to October) to augment what I get in my deliveries and to get out of the office on a weekly basis for a nice stroll!
I know a lot of us say we don't have time to cook, however, I bet if we looked at the amount of time we spend eating out or engaged with either the TV or the computer we could find plenty of time to cook a delicious, nutritious meal at home. Even if you have an active life with school and sports and such, you can still prepare easy meals for yourself and your family with a little preplanning. For example, if you have leftover chicken, you can easily cook some rotini pasta and mix the chicken and pasta with cut up tomatoes, avocados, artichoke hearts, black olives, and other vegetables you like and a bit of dressing to make a quick meal of a salad.
The choice is ours - live a healthy lifestyle for the long-term, or go on the diet for the short-term over and over and over again.
Just like a well-maintained car will last much longer than a car that is only fixed when it breaks down, so too will our bodies stay healthier longer when we live a proper lifestyle instead of depending on diets for the quick fix to our self-induced weight problems.
And, eating right can help mitigate a host of other ills such as diabetes, allergies, insomnia and fatigue, just to name a few.
Remember the challenge I gave you last week of tracking what you eat and drink? Look at that list from last week and think about how you can change what you imbibe for the better long-term health of your body.
And, again, it took time to get where we are at, and it will take time to get where we need to be in this area of our lives - however, the long-term benefits are worth it!
Until next week, namaste!
If we look at the changes in our eating and drinking habits that would be beneficial to our overall physical health as true lifestyle changes or even a bettering of ourselves - such as we do when pursuing higher education of any type - those changes are more likely to stick and become the good habits that replace the bad habits in the long-term. And the long-term is what we are shooting for here, not the short-term quick fix. Our bodies are going to last us 70-90 years or more, so we owe it to ourselves to take the best care of them that we can. And - as long as we draw breath, it is never too late to make these changes and live a better life.
Just like what we choose to read, listen to, or watch can elevate us or drag us down, so too can our eating and drinking habits.
Here are some rules of thumb I've learned over the years:
The more colorful the fruits and vegetables are, the better they are for you.
Darker lettuce is better for you than lighter lettuce (romaine versus iceberg for example).
Fresh and in season is better than canned or frozen.
Natural is better than processed or artificial (cane or beet sugar is better than high fructose corn syrup or artificial sweeteners)
If you eat meat, a serving is about the size of the palm of your hand.
Home-made or home cooked is better than store-bought or processed.
The gist here is as close to natural as possible and portion control. Both help reduce the toxins we ingest. Also, drinking plenty of water over the course of the day helps the body flush out toxins and keep our digestive tract, well, on track.
Eating right doesn't mean giving up on sweets or treats either - again, as close to natural as possible and portion control.
One of the things I've done in the last year to help ensure I eat healthier is to subscribe to a service called Farm Fresh to You. They deliver in-season fruits and vegetables and organic eggs to my doorstep every other week. They do have weekly service as well, and you can tailor the list of items so you don't get food you know you won't eat. And, they provide recipes for what they deliver in the box, so you're not left wondering what to do with, say, bok choy, when you get it.
I also visit the farmer's market a few blocks down from my day job when it is in sessions (Wednesdays from May to October) to augment what I get in my deliveries and to get out of the office on a weekly basis for a nice stroll!
I know a lot of us say we don't have time to cook, however, I bet if we looked at the amount of time we spend eating out or engaged with either the TV or the computer we could find plenty of time to cook a delicious, nutritious meal at home. Even if you have an active life with school and sports and such, you can still prepare easy meals for yourself and your family with a little preplanning. For example, if you have leftover chicken, you can easily cook some rotini pasta and mix the chicken and pasta with cut up tomatoes, avocados, artichoke hearts, black olives, and other vegetables you like and a bit of dressing to make a quick meal of a salad.
The choice is ours - live a healthy lifestyle for the long-term, or go on the diet for the short-term over and over and over again.
Just like a well-maintained car will last much longer than a car that is only fixed when it breaks down, so too will our bodies stay healthier longer when we live a proper lifestyle instead of depending on diets for the quick fix to our self-induced weight problems.
And, eating right can help mitigate a host of other ills such as diabetes, allergies, insomnia and fatigue, just to name a few.
Remember the challenge I gave you last week of tracking what you eat and drink? Look at that list from last week and think about how you can change what you imbibe for the better long-term health of your body.
And, again, it took time to get where we are at, and it will take time to get where we need to be in this area of our lives - however, the long-term benefits are worth it!
Until next week, namaste!
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