A lot of the angst and/or friction in relationships comes from communication.
Communication is both verbal and non-verbal. There are the words we say and then there is the meaning behind them. There are also the words we don't say, thinking the other person should know what we mean and want by our non-verbal clues. As I'm sure we all have experienced, this is not often the case.
Few if any of us are mind readers, so we need to hone our communication skills in the verbal sense. And we need to be aware of our non-verbal cues - how our posture is, our eye contact, and even the tone and volume of our voices.
Trust me, I am quite sure the word "fine" has very different meanings for men and women, as an example!
Feedback is also important in communication.
Again, few if any of us are mind readers. If we don't let others know how their words and actions affect us - both negatively AND positively - there can be a serious breakdown in the relationship due to pent-up angst, resentment, and anger.
It's fine to bounce your reaction to the words and actions of one person off of someone else you know and trust as a reasonable and relatively unbiased sounding board, however, once you've sorted out the wheat from the chaff of your reaction, you might need to discuss things with the person whose words and actions you reacted to in the first place.
Open and honest communication and feedback are important elements to the success of a relationship - whether it be personal or professional.
And, if the person you are providing feedback to ignores, rejects, or belittles your feedback, that might need to be examined too, in relation to your, well, relationship.
Is this relationship buoying you up or dragging you down? Is it helping you grow, keeping you stagnant, or worst of all, stifling you?
As always, I welcome your feedback. Contact me here, and let me know how this blog has helped you over the last nearly four years of it's existence.
I am on vacation next weekend, so we will pick back up in September. The theme for the month will be Overall Well Being.
Until next time, Namaste!
Saturday, August 22, 2015
Sunday, August 9, 2015
MaXIMIze - Relationships - Being In Sync
I've been thinking a lot about this lately, as I watch the project I am assigned to hit a major milestone in its move towards the finish line and watch another one in the same office stumble about, trying to get its groove back.
If you have ever worked on a team, project-specific or otherwise, you know there is a process that the team goes through as it settles into its groove and begins to move forward. There are usually four steps in this process - forming, storming, norming and performing. These are called Tuckman's stages of group development. There is a fifth step or stage at the end called adjourning, but we are focused on getting through the first four in order to live our best life now.
When a team gets to the performing step or stage, the members are pretty much in sync and they work very well together. The team I am on is like that. We communicate well and we know the project and how it is structured deeply enough to just do what needs to be done without a lot of questions or discussion. We are truly in that sweet spot of team development.
A large part of that synchronicity comes from the relationships between the team members. If a team member comes in who is potentially detrimental to the team due to viewpoints, attitudes, or actions, that person either learns to conform and focus on moving the project forward or he/she makes enough friction that it causes him/her to be removed and replaced for the good of the project.
This comes into play in our personal relationships too, particularly our partnerships with others. It is a little difficult to ostracize family when they are a burr in the side of living your best life now - although sometimes that has to be done in order to regain sanity and peace of mind. However, the people we choose to bring into our lives as friends and partners definitely should be a balm and a help to living our best lives now, not a burr in the side draining our focus from that goal.
Last year at this time, we discussed toxic relationships and the detriment they can have physically and mentally on us. We also talked about shedding these toxic relationships in order to move toward living our best lives now.
When you are blessed to have relationships in your life that are in sync and encouraging you to live your best life now, there is truly nothing you cannot accomplish!
So, what step/stage are your current relationships in? Do you truly see them moving forward to being in sync and supporting your best life now?
If so, great!
If not, what needs to change to move forward? Are you willing to instigate that change?
Until next time, Namaste!
If you have ever worked on a team, project-specific or otherwise, you know there is a process that the team goes through as it settles into its groove and begins to move forward. There are usually four steps in this process - forming, storming, norming and performing. These are called Tuckman's stages of group development. There is a fifth step or stage at the end called adjourning, but we are focused on getting through the first four in order to live our best life now.
When a team gets to the performing step or stage, the members are pretty much in sync and they work very well together. The team I am on is like that. We communicate well and we know the project and how it is structured deeply enough to just do what needs to be done without a lot of questions or discussion. We are truly in that sweet spot of team development.
A large part of that synchronicity comes from the relationships between the team members. If a team member comes in who is potentially detrimental to the team due to viewpoints, attitudes, or actions, that person either learns to conform and focus on moving the project forward or he/she makes enough friction that it causes him/her to be removed and replaced for the good of the project.
This comes into play in our personal relationships too, particularly our partnerships with others. It is a little difficult to ostracize family when they are a burr in the side of living your best life now - although sometimes that has to be done in order to regain sanity and peace of mind. However, the people we choose to bring into our lives as friends and partners definitely should be a balm and a help to living our best lives now, not a burr in the side draining our focus from that goal.
Last year at this time, we discussed toxic relationships and the detriment they can have physically and mentally on us. We also talked about shedding these toxic relationships in order to move toward living our best lives now.
When you are blessed to have relationships in your life that are in sync and encouraging you to live your best life now, there is truly nothing you cannot accomplish!
So, what step/stage are your current relationships in? Do you truly see them moving forward to being in sync and supporting your best life now?
If so, great!
If not, what needs to change to move forward? Are you willing to instigate that change?
Until next time, Namaste!
Sunday, August 2, 2015
MaXIMIze - Relationships - Addressing the Elephant
Yes, I skipped blogging last week - the summer doldrums hit just ahead of the heat here in California. That happens sometimes. I have learned through the years if I want to avoid burnout, rather than powering through the doldrums, the still space, I need to instead sit in that still space until the wind and wave come again to carry me to the next spot on my journey. Floating in the still space also allows me to gain energy so I can work with the wind and wave when they come, and I can land further up my path then they can carry me alone.
The theme of this month's postings is Relationships. The most important relationship you have in life is the one you have with yourself. When you really know yourself, you can better craft a response to the action of another or to a particular situation rather than just having a reaction to them.
A lesson learned from my readings this summer is that you have to address the elephant in order to get it out of the room. Sometimes that elephant is external - another person or a particular situation. Other times it is internal - your reaction to a particular situation or another person.
When you know yourself on a deep level, you can determine which type of elephant you are dealing with. And once you've done that, you can address the elephant and encourage it to leave the room so you can deal with the heart of the matter at hand.
So, what elephants are you dealing with? How are you going to address them so they will exit the room and leave you able to to deal with the true matter at hand?
Until next time, Namaste!
The theme of this month's postings is Relationships. The most important relationship you have in life is the one you have with yourself. When you really know yourself, you can better craft a response to the action of another or to a particular situation rather than just having a reaction to them.
A lesson learned from my readings this summer is that you have to address the elephant in order to get it out of the room. Sometimes that elephant is external - another person or a particular situation. Other times it is internal - your reaction to a particular situation or another person.
When you know yourself on a deep level, you can determine which type of elephant you are dealing with. And once you've done that, you can address the elephant and encourage it to leave the room so you can deal with the heart of the matter at hand.
So, what elephants are you dealing with? How are you going to address them so they will exit the room and leave you able to to deal with the true matter at hand?
Until next time, Namaste!
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