You must let go of what no longer serves in order to grow.
Relationships are perhaps the hardest things next to habits to let go of, particularly family relationships.
There are all kinds of relationships that can get to a point of no longer serving, and, in fact, can drag you down instead of lifting you up. Business partnerships, romantic partnerships, friendships, and family ties.
In order to truly let go of a relationship of any kind, you must discover what led you to that relationship in the first place, what has changed within you over the course of that relationship, and why that relationship no longer serves you living your best life now.
I think the hardest relationships to do this type of deep introspection with are lifelong friends and family - if it is a parent-child or sibling relationship and you are the child or sibling, you did not choose the relationship. The loyalty engendered by and/or expected from family is very hard to walk away from, though.
The same could be said of lifelong friends - ones you've known since crib, cradle, playpen, daycare or elementary school days.
Both family and lifelong friends tie you to your past, to what made you what you are today. Sometimes, though, you must cut the ties with your past in order to cut the ties with the destructive habits and patterns that drag you down instead of lifting you up to live your best life now.
Letting go of these relationships does not mean you do not care about these people in your life. It simply means you are practicing extreme self-care.
Perhaps the relationship will heal and continue forward. Perhaps not. That is a choice you make and those are boundaries you set.
So, the challenge this week is to examine your relationships and determine which ones are lifting you up to living your best life now and which ones either need to change to be let go.
Next week we will discuss dealing with guilt.
Until then, Namaste!
Sunday, August 24, 2014
Wednesday, August 20, 2014
MaXIMIze - Relationships - Hands and Sands
So, I turn around twice and it is Wednesday and I still haven't posted the bit I wrote on Sunday for this blog...let's start with some song lyrics, shall we?
Just Hold On Loosely by 38 Special
"Hold on loosely/but don't let go/If you cling too tightly/You're gonna lose control"
If you've ever held sand - dry sand - in your hand and then closed your fist around it,you know the grains are small enough to slip between your fingers.
Like the lyrics say, if you cling too tightly to something, you'll lose control of it.
And, when we are talking about being in relationships with other human beings, the only person you can control is yourself.
Yep, this one was short, sweet, and to the point. Next week, we'll discuss letting go of the past.
Until then, Namaste!
Just Hold On Loosely by 38 Special
"Hold on loosely/but don't let go/If you cling too tightly/You're gonna lose control"
If you've ever held sand - dry sand - in your hand and then closed your fist around it,you know the grains are small enough to slip between your fingers.
Like the lyrics say, if you cling too tightly to something, you'll lose control of it.
And, when we are talking about being in relationships with other human beings, the only person you can control is yourself.
Yep, this one was short, sweet, and to the point. Next week, we'll discuss letting go of the past.
Until then, Namaste!
Sunday, August 10, 2014
MaXIMIze - Relationships - Release the Toxins
You guessed it - this week's subject is toxic relationships.
Let's start with a couple of definitions:
Toxin: a poisonous substance produced within living cells or organisms
Toxic: of, pertaining to, affected with, or caused by a toxin or a poison
A toxic relationship then is one that is having a negative effect on your life - and likely affecting your physical and emotional health in a very real way as well, by causing your body to produce cortisol - a hormone released in answer to stress - and other hormones and chemicals that, in large and/or sustained doses, lead to obesity, high blood pressure, heart disease...well you get the picture.
We all know to stay away from the poisonous and toxic items in our homes - no eating lye soap or drinking bleach or ammonia - right? So why do we allow toxic relationships to form in our lives?
A toxic relationship is like a weedkiller to our personal growth as well as our personal well-being. Would you water your favorite plant with weedkiller, knowing it would likely die from that exposure? Of course not!
So why then do we not only allow but sometimes hold on to toxic relationships in our lives?
From fear, plain and simple. We are afraid of hurting other's feelings, of their reactions to us cutting the ties, of letting go of that which is familiar.
Sometimes we are comfortable in situations that are not healthy for us because that is what we are used to. Those situations seem safe or normal because that is all we have ever known. And, fear of the unknown trumps pain of the known more often than not...
We need to realize though that these toxic relationships are at best slowing our growth and at worst literally killing us day by day. There is a saying about death by a thousand cuts, and that is what holding on to a toxic relationship does to us - drains us little by little, day by day, until we just give up.
So, how do we avoid these to begin with and get out of them if we are already in them? By practicing extreme self-care and letting go of that which no longer serves our growth.
Shedding relationships is not easy - the fear of being alone can be quite intimidating. However, if we practice enough extreme self-care, we will realize and truly understand that we are enough, right here, right now.
Like the caterpillar transforms into the butterfly, and birds molt their feathers and snakes shed their skins, we too should shed the things that no longer serve us - and toxic relationships never serve us. They do not encourage our growth or accept us as we are. They feed the darkness rather than strive for the light.
NOTE: If you are in a dangerous toxic relationship - abusive, controlling, etc. - please seek professional help and make sure you have a support system before shedding the relationship.
Each of us is enough, does enough, and has enough right here right now in order to move forward on the path to our best life now. Keeping that focus helps me to keep the toxins out of my relationships as well as shed the toxic relationships I've developed over the years, and I believe it will help you do so as well.
Next week we will discuss holding on too tightly - something I call "hands and sands."
Until then, release the toxins and remember - You are Enough!
Namaste!
Let's start with a couple of definitions:
Toxin: a poisonous substance produced within living cells or organisms
Toxic: of, pertaining to, affected with, or caused by a toxin or a poison
A toxic relationship then is one that is having a negative effect on your life - and likely affecting your physical and emotional health in a very real way as well, by causing your body to produce cortisol - a hormone released in answer to stress - and other hormones and chemicals that, in large and/or sustained doses, lead to obesity, high blood pressure, heart disease...well you get the picture.
We all know to stay away from the poisonous and toxic items in our homes - no eating lye soap or drinking bleach or ammonia - right? So why do we allow toxic relationships to form in our lives?
A toxic relationship is like a weedkiller to our personal growth as well as our personal well-being. Would you water your favorite plant with weedkiller, knowing it would likely die from that exposure? Of course not!
So why then do we not only allow but sometimes hold on to toxic relationships in our lives?
From fear, plain and simple. We are afraid of hurting other's feelings, of their reactions to us cutting the ties, of letting go of that which is familiar.
Sometimes we are comfortable in situations that are not healthy for us because that is what we are used to. Those situations seem safe or normal because that is all we have ever known. And, fear of the unknown trumps pain of the known more often than not...
We need to realize though that these toxic relationships are at best slowing our growth and at worst literally killing us day by day. There is a saying about death by a thousand cuts, and that is what holding on to a toxic relationship does to us - drains us little by little, day by day, until we just give up.
So, how do we avoid these to begin with and get out of them if we are already in them? By practicing extreme self-care and letting go of that which no longer serves our growth.
Shedding relationships is not easy - the fear of being alone can be quite intimidating. However, if we practice enough extreme self-care, we will realize and truly understand that we are enough, right here, right now.
Like the caterpillar transforms into the butterfly, and birds molt their feathers and snakes shed their skins, we too should shed the things that no longer serve us - and toxic relationships never serve us. They do not encourage our growth or accept us as we are. They feed the darkness rather than strive for the light.
NOTE: If you are in a dangerous toxic relationship - abusive, controlling, etc. - please seek professional help and make sure you have a support system before shedding the relationship.
Each of us is enough, does enough, and has enough right here right now in order to move forward on the path to our best life now. Keeping that focus helps me to keep the toxins out of my relationships as well as shed the toxic relationships I've developed over the years, and I believe it will help you do so as well.
Next week we will discuss holding on too tightly - something I call "hands and sands."
Until then, release the toxins and remember - You are Enough!
Namaste!
Sunday, August 3, 2014
MaXIMIze - Your Most Important Relationship - You!
This month's blog topic is Relationships. Over at least the next five posts, we will touch on various types of relationships in our lives - however, since this is a blog about personal coaching and personal development, the relationship and interaction we are going to focus most on is the one with ourselves.
The relationships we have with others are mirrors of the one we have with ourselves.
What I mean by this statement is: No one can make us feel one way or another. Our feelings, particularly as a reaction to someone else's action, come from within. Since they come from within we can choose the way we feel about and respond to (rather than react to) the actions of someone else.
My book, MaXIMIze: Take Your Life in Your Arms and Kiss It! covers a lot about developing your relationship with yourself.
We see the world through the lens of ourselves - our thoughts, our feelings, our view of the world - so it makes sense that to be the best person we can truly be, we need to know ourselves as intimately as we think we know our lovers.
We need to truly understand what motivates us, what stalls us, what truly lies beneath the way we react and respond to the world around us.
So the first question I have for you to ponder is - are you treating yourself the way you treat others?
"Love thy neighbor as thyself" is one of the tenets of the New Testament, and as I often people-watch I wonder - do the people I watch truly love themselves?
What we put out in the world is a reflection of what we have and who we are inside. Do you really know who you are? Do you know the root cause of your reactions to people, places, and things?
I challenge you for the next week to take note of your reactions and to apply the 5 Whys to each one to get to the true root of that particular response. If you don't have at least one "Ah Ha!" moment doing this, either you know yourself very well - in which case, great! - or you are not going deep enough. Whichever it is is up to you to know.
Over the next few weeks we will be discussing dealing with toxic people, letting go of the past, holding on too tightly (sands and hands), and guilt.
There are likely to be more challenges along the way - I encourage you to do the work to get to know your true self.
Until next time, Namaste!
The relationships we have with others are mirrors of the one we have with ourselves.
What I mean by this statement is: No one can make us feel one way or another. Our feelings, particularly as a reaction to someone else's action, come from within. Since they come from within we can choose the way we feel about and respond to (rather than react to) the actions of someone else.
My book, MaXIMIze: Take Your Life in Your Arms and Kiss It! covers a lot about developing your relationship with yourself.
We see the world through the lens of ourselves - our thoughts, our feelings, our view of the world - so it makes sense that to be the best person we can truly be, we need to know ourselves as intimately as we think we know our lovers.
We need to truly understand what motivates us, what stalls us, what truly lies beneath the way we react and respond to the world around us.
So the first question I have for you to ponder is - are you treating yourself the way you treat others?
"Love thy neighbor as thyself" is one of the tenets of the New Testament, and as I often people-watch I wonder - do the people I watch truly love themselves?
What we put out in the world is a reflection of what we have and who we are inside. Do you really know who you are? Do you know the root cause of your reactions to people, places, and things?
I challenge you for the next week to take note of your reactions and to apply the 5 Whys to each one to get to the true root of that particular response. If you don't have at least one "Ah Ha!" moment doing this, either you know yourself very well - in which case, great! - or you are not going deep enough. Whichever it is is up to you to know.
Over the next few weeks we will be discussing dealing with toxic people, letting go of the past, holding on too tightly (sands and hands), and guilt.
There are likely to be more challenges along the way - I encourage you to do the work to get to know your true self.
Until next time, Namaste!
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