This month's theme was supposed to be finances, however, circumstances led otherwise.
Yesterday, as I was gearing up to work on course work for online classes I'm working to get up and running, I wrote this piece instead of focusing on the course work. The issue that brought this forth is still chewing at me this morning, so I figured I'd post this piece instead of trying to focus on finances.
Judgement and Defensiveness
As I was preparing to work on course work for a class I want to teach, I was angered by someone else's judgement of my choices. I felt the negative emotion surge through my body, raising my blood pressure, making my muscles shake with unreleased tension.
I wondered at my visceral response as I was mentally lashing out in defense of my choices. I realized I do not need to defend my choices to anyone else. I cannot force someone else to accept my choices let alone understand why I do the things I do.
Others will judge no matter what. However, their judgement does not matter in the long run. It truly doesn't. What matters is your judgement of yourself, and whether that judgement is a reaction to the voices of others or a response to that small still voice that comes from your inner Self.
Once we learn to truly listen to and learn from the Self within us, we can move from reacting to responding, from judgement to love, from defensiveness to giving, from lack to abundance.
How to learn this is the question.
Focus is the answer. Determining the focus of our reaction or response will help us discover the root of it.
If we can determine what we are focusing on with our reaction or response, we can figure out why we are reacting or responding the way we are.
In my case, the choice was about an adult child and his current domestic situation. I choose not to become embroiled in the drama that is in his life right now.
Others do not accept or understand my choice, and therefore judge me harshly for it.
Does that judgement hurt? Yes, it does.
Is it going to make me change my choice? No, it will not.
Did I learn why I was reacting so strongly to the judgement of another? Yes, I did.
I raised my children with the idea that family comes first, and one of my children feels my choice in respect to his brother's current domestic situation goes against that idea.
My choice of non-involvement, however, is based in the belief that adult children have to deal with their domestic issues on their own. To the best of my ability, I've given my children the tools to deal with life. Like a horse chooses whether or not to drink the water he is led to, my children have to choose to take on the responsibility for their choices in life and work to make better choices for themselves and their children.
And so the anger and defensiveness at the judgement of another of the choices I made in this situation ebbs away as the root of my reaction to his judgement is brought into the light of day.
Was the process easy? No, it was not.
Am I in a better place for going through it? Yes, I am.
I hope that sharing this experience with you helps you work though your reactions and responses to the actions and judgements of others.
Until next time, Namaste!
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Questions? Comments? Feel free to share on this post, or email me at the address below.
Beth Henderson, MaXIMIzer
maximize.beth@gmail.com
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